I'm not a mean parent, you're just a pansy.

I catch flack sometimes for being "mean".

Lemmie 'splain.

SCENE: Interior. Grocery store. Charlotte is in the shopping cart while Alley picks up groceries. All at once the smiling happy, chipper baby turns into a mutant from space. Her sole mission is to piss Alley off and make life embarrassing.

Charlotte - *weeps big and fake like and tosses her snack cup to the floor*

Alley -*picks it up* That's one. Calm your butt down, Pookie. *continues to pull things off shelf, mostly non-pulsed*

A few moments go by.

Alley won't let Charlotte hold what she's trying to put in the cart.

Charlotte - *screams in indignant fury and chucks her cup to the floor again.*

Alley - *stops and look the toddler right in the eyes* Hey! Knock it off. Toss this again and I take it away, you dig? *hands her the cup*

Charlotte - *looks contrite*

A few more moments go by.

There is a rogue gust of wind or an odd smell. Something completely invisible and sets the toddler off onto a full blown mental meltdown where she tries to simultaneously propel herself from the cart, scream until she's purple, and toss anything she can reach onto the floor.

Alley - *grabs the toddler's hands and holds them firmly so they stop flailing* Hey! I said knock the crap OFF! *forcibly takes the items from the kid's hands and shoves them out of her reach in the diaper bag*

Child looks furious and unhappy, but most importantly is NOT CRYING or making a scene.

Alley gets nasty looks and under breath "tut tuts" from people standing around her.

*blink*

I don't FUCKING understand this.

Am I supposed to let the kid just flip her shit over nothing for no reason and piss off the people around us?

Because you KNOW that kid. That kid at the store or wherever in public you are that's having a class five meltdown and the parent is doing NOTHING.

Meanwhile your water glass cracks and your hair starts to vibrate. And you would give nothing else in the world to go over there and LIGHT THE CHILD ON FIRE to shut it up.

I don't want to be that family.

So can someone PLEASE explain to me for the love of GOD, why when I put my kid's ass in place I get nasty looks.

I didn't hit her, or man-handle her in any way. I was FIRM. I wasn't mean. I wasn't telling her that I didn't love her. I was telling her to cut the shit, it wasn't appropriate.

HOW is this bad???

Have we finally turned into such a spineless politically correct society that even disciplining your OWN child is wrong?

I mean, we've seen what happens when we take discipline out of the classroom. I can't tell you how many teacher friends I have that literally CAN'T or aren't ALLOWED to set their class in line.

I have VERY clear memories of one kid in my class getting spanked. And you know what? Little bastard probably deserved it.

But seriously, no red pen. No raising your voice. No threats. SHIT, how are you supposed maintain control? I mean, did I miss a fucking memo? Aren't the ADULTS in charge?

And let's talk about hitting. There is a WORLD OF DIFFERENCE between laying a beatdown on your child that leaves them bruised - that's bad. And slapping their hands away from things dangerous/not for babies. Like...oh...say...POWER CORDS.

Charlotte has this THING with power cords. As in one of her hobbies is to try to sneak past me, unplug them and STICK THEM IN HER MOUTH.

This is such a universally bad idea on so many levels.

And because this has been going on long enough that she should really KNOW by now not to touch them, they are definitely a no no, she gets a hand slap. Not 5, or 10. Usually just one or two, depending on how many times I've had to say "NO NO".

I had someone tell me that "We don't hit our child because it teaches them that it's okay to hit other people." So judging by this, does that mean I'm teaching Charlotte it's okay to smack a bitch when she gets out of line? Yes? GOOD. My daughter will have a fine life ahead of her as a pimp.

But seriously folks, I see no issues. And quite frankly, it's my child.

I mean hell, there's a TON of parenting decisions I don't think are worth a pot to piss in. But, it's your kid. You have to live with the consequences of crappy rearing, not me. You don't see me bitching about it--

*looks at blog*

*crickets*

Oh, you know what I mean.

And I know I know, I'm supposed to have a mantra - What other people think of me is none of my business.

But I am merely human. And fail. A lot.

Yet another sparkling reason for this blog.

Love and punches,
Alley