And other things I learned the hard way.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I'm not a mean parent, you're just a pansy.

I catch flack sometimes for being "mean".

Lemmie 'splain.

SCENE: Interior. Grocery store. Charlotte is in the shopping cart while Alley picks up groceries. All at once the smiling happy, chipper baby turns into a mutant from space. Her sole mission is to piss Alley off and make life embarrassing.

Charlotte - *weeps big and fake like and tosses her snack cup to the floor*

Alley -*picks it up* That's one. Calm your butt down, Pookie. *continues to pull things off shelf, mostly non-pulsed*

A few moments go by.

Alley won't let Charlotte hold what she's trying to put in the cart.

Charlotte - *screams in indignant fury and chucks her cup to the floor again.*

Alley - *stops and look the toddler right in the eyes* Hey! Knock it off. Toss this again and I take it away, you dig? *hands her the cup*

Charlotte - *looks contrite*

A few more moments go by.

There is a rogue gust of wind or an odd smell. Something completely invisible and sets the toddler off onto a full blown mental meltdown where she tries to simultaneously propel herself from the cart, scream until she's purple, and toss anything she can reach onto the floor.

Alley - *grabs the toddler's hands and holds them firmly so they stop flailing* Hey! I said knock the crap OFF! *forcibly takes the items from the kid's hands and shoves them out of her reach in the diaper bag*

Child looks furious and unhappy, but most importantly is NOT CRYING or making a scene.

Alley gets nasty looks and under breath "tut tuts" from people standing around her.


I don't FUCKING understand this.

Am I supposed to let the kid just flip her shit over nothing for no reason and piss off the people around us?

Because you KNOW that kid. That kid at the store or wherever in public you are that's having a class five meltdown and the parent is doing NOTHING.

Meanwhile your water glass cracks and your hair starts to vibrate. And you would give nothing else in the world to go over there and LIGHT THE CHILD ON FIRE to shut it up.

I don't want to be that family.

So can someone PLEASE explain to me for the love of GOD, why when I put my kid's ass in place I get nasty looks.

I didn't hit her, or man-handle her in any way. I was FIRM. I wasn't mean. I wasn't telling her that I didn't love her. I was telling her to cut the shit, it wasn't appropriate.

HOW is this bad???

Have we finally turned into such a spineless politically correct society that even disciplining your OWN child is wrong?

I mean, we've seen what happens when we take discipline out of the classroom. I can't tell you how many teacher friends I have that literally CAN'T or aren't ALLOWED to set their class in line.

I have VERY clear memories of one kid in my class getting spanked. And you know what? Little bastard probably deserved it.

But seriously, no red pen. No raising your voice. No threats. SHIT, how are you supposed maintain control? I mean, did I miss a fucking memo? Aren't the ADULTS in charge?

And let's talk about hitting. There is a WORLD OF DIFFERENCE between laying a beatdown on your child that leaves them bruised - that's bad. And slapping their hands away from things dangerous/not for babies. Like...oh...say...POWER CORDS.

Charlotte has this THING with power cords. As in one of her hobbies is to try to sneak past me, unplug them and STICK THEM IN HER MOUTH.

This is such a universally bad idea on so many levels.

And because this has been going on long enough that she should really KNOW by now not to touch them, they are definitely a no no, she gets a hand slap. Not 5, or 10. Usually just one or two, depending on how many times I've had to say "NO NO".

I had someone tell me that "We don't hit our child because it teaches them that it's okay to hit other people." So judging by this, does that mean I'm teaching Charlotte it's okay to smack a bitch when she gets out of line? Yes? GOOD. My daughter will have a fine life ahead of her as a pimp.

But seriously folks, I see no issues. And quite frankly, it's my child.

I mean hell, there's a TON of parenting decisions I don't think are worth a pot to piss in. But, it's your kid. You have to live with the consequences of crappy rearing, not me. You don't see me bitching about it--

*looks at blog*


Oh, you know what I mean.

And I know I know, I'm supposed to have a mantra - What other people think of me is none of my business.

But I am merely human. And fail. A lot.

Yet another sparkling reason for this blog.

Love and punches,


  1. Definitely swatted Evelyn's behind today in the grocery store...loud enough that you could hear the little crack. I'm not proud to be that parent, but when given the choice between a smack or letting her resume her snotty, defiant tantrum in the middle of me trying to pay for a prescription in a busy grocery pharmacy, parenting wins over pride. I would rather be looked at for disciplining her than letting her get away with ridiculousness. My logic? We continue to let the standards of behavior decline and then complain over the state of our teenagers behavior and what this country's society has come to. Set expectations and hold true to them at a young age so that you don't have as big of a battle later. Kids also thrive on high expectations...they may hate the discipline, but they love it when they make you proud when they act appropriately and it instills a sense of pride in their own behavior. Moral of the story? I spank and smack when necessary and discipline often. My kid is not perfect and neither am I, but she will respect people and be polite and kind to others, she will behave and rise above todays standard of appropriateness...and it can all be done within the confines love! Ev may get time outs, swatted, and spanked, but never as a first resort, and always follwed up with discussion, expectations, hugs and kisses! :)

  2. Precisely Emmie. There's a difference between blatant senseless hostility towards your offspring and just trying to get them not to be arrogant little shitheads 24/7. I love her, therefore I want her to be the best and safest she can be. :) And if laying down some law is how I get there, so be it. Besides, first rule of management: you can ALWAYS slacken up, but it's impossible to get strict after being lenient.