And other things I learned the hard way.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Does ANYBODY else's kid do this? Oh. Great.

Charlotte is quirky. And while yes, I realize that most kids are...sometimes I look at her sideways and wonder if she's all there.

She army crawls/rolls across the floor slowly while drinking her bottle. Not quickly mind you. Ever. So. Slowly. And I have no idea why. Not like she's reaching for anything. Just "Huh, I wonder what my bottle would taste like *over THERE*?" *scoot scoot scoot*

She chews on her feet at the dinner table. Not while eating, at least she has THOSE manners. No no, this is after we take her food and tray away. Like dessert. Little toe flavored dessert. I have NO idea why she does it because she doesn't chew on her feet ANYWHERE else.

She chews on the cat too. This is a much more dangerous hobby, as the cat has claws. But she has two style of attacks. The first is pretty sneaky. She crawls up behind sleeping cat and them grabs his tail and jams it in her mouth. Not very original, but it gets the job done. Second one is a bit more straight forward. She crawls headfirst at the beast, grabs him by both ears and jams his head at her mouth. More full frontal attack. And the weird thing is the cat just sorta sits there with this "Oh not THIS shit again..." look on his unhappy face.

I've heard from other parents that their children of a similar age are becoming fascinated with the toilet. We're currently waging that war in my house too. But apparently Charlotte wants to take it a step further. Yesterday I watched at she combed the toilet seat cover with my comb, and then tossed it and a few of my curlers into the water dish on the bathroom floor. You know, the animal water dish. *sigh* And it isn't the first run in with this dish either. She sat in it once.

And on that bathroom note, today she started chucking curlers and then my brush into the tub. (Please don't assume she's in the bathroom by herself, she has supervised house exploration in areas.) And what made it particularly hilarious was when the brush CRASHED into the tub, she turned to me, sat down, POUTED and said "UH OH." in THE most melodramatic little voice. I died laughing. But at the same time...WHY my brush? In the TUB??

She gets stuck under the pack and play. I mean UNDER the pack and play. Like "I'm tunneling to freedom, follow me!!" kind of stuck under. And then all you see are these two angry fat legs beating on the ground as she screams.

Seriously, she does all this and I have to wonder: do all babies have these weird little quirks that only they have? Or was it because I licked all that lead paint as a kid?

Normal quirks I expect. You know the type. Paper eating. That seems to be a big one. Crayon eating. She ate her first today. Turned her face blue. Can't WAIT to see that diaper. Basically eating things that aren't food. And generally trying to commandeer things that aren't for babies. Like the printer software cd. My mom's tin of mints. One flip flop. These things don't worry me.

It's when she starts trying to lick the baby gates that I start looking at her funny.

Parents help me out, make me feel better. Lay on me your baby quirks and your stories of WTF. I need to hear some to feel better about my weird ass kid.

I'll be here, watching my daughter scratch on the cat's post.


  1. Today she opened the door to the entertainment center, chewed on it, shut it. Opened it, chewed on it, shut it. Opened it, chewed on it, you get the idea.
    I feel like that was a little odd. Maybe she thought "I wonder what it tastes like this time!"

  2. ...I don't even know. Wow. Alright.

  3. I'm not a parent yet, but after baby-sitting, Nannying, and working in a daycare, I can tell you with certainty that everything Charlie does is within the realm of normal *kid weirdness*. They're curious, they have no impulse control, and they are just beginning to exercise their autonomy, which is a recipe for bafflement and hilarity. I've got literally hundreds of stories, but here's a sample:

    -The infant in my daycare that, while perfectly capable of crawling, preferred to scootch everywhere on his butt. From a sitting position, he'd stick his legs out in front of him and then drag his behind up to meet them. He was fast little sucker...

    - the infant in my daycare that used to gnaw on the legs of the rocking chair. Not the high chair legs or the the non-rocking chairs, JUST the rocking chairs.

    - the child in my daycare who would only respond if you called him *Batman*. He knew his name, but refused to answer you unless you called him Batman....

    - The infant at my daycare who would blow through her lips similar to the way a beat-boxer does....she always sounds like she was about to start freestyling....

    - There are zillions of stories I could tell about the two girls I watched when I was a Nanny, but I think I'll leave that to Miss E. as they are her children.

    Bottom line: Charlie is awesome, and you're doing an awesome job with her :)