And other things I learned the hard way.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Just because she's bald doesn't make her a BOY!!

This is a huge HUGE Billy Fucillo fucking HUUUUUUGE beef with me.

People: Just because she's bald does NOT make her a boy.

At all.

Not even a little.

Now, I can understand. Most babies that are bald, yes, tend to look a tad unisex.

THAT is why God invented the color pink and hair bows people. And my child is wearing BOTH. And I'm talking PINK hair bow, PINK shirt, PINK bib and PINK socks with sneakers. How the FUCK do you think it's a boy??

Now, I get that kids where hand me downs. And honestly, if she were dressed in blue overalls and a green shirt. Yes. She'd look like a boy.

But come the fuck on.

Now as you can imagine, there was an inciting incident.

We were walking down the baking aisle, Charlotte's shellacked in pink like a goddamn cupcake and sitting in the cart quite happily pucking on her admittedly green sippy cup. And she kicks one of her shoes off. And an elderly woman passing by says "Oops! He lost a shoe!"

So, insert pretend Alley frustration as I say "Really kid?" and bend down to pick up said shoe. I HEARD the 'he'. But chose to ignore it. Anyone can mess up. No need to go all kung fu on the lady's ass over one wrong word. I have SOME standards.

Believe it or not.

BUT, she goes on to say "He doesn't want to wear shoes!" Now, at this point of the conversation, all TWO SECONDS of it, I'm a little annoyed. So I pat her head and say "She's usually really good and doesn't kick them off, but she's not feeling well today."

"He doesn't even need to wear shoes!"

Really lady? Are you just playing with me at this point?

I proceed to stare slack-jawwed at the old bitty as she totters away and cram the shoe back onto my wiggling porkchop's foot.

And can't help but think: Do some people do this intentionally knowing how much it pisses people off?

I'm really starting to think so.

Like I said before, I GET that with bald kids, it's hard to tell. That's why parents like me who are self conscious about their kid's cue ball head dress them accordingly. Be-ruffled and vajazzled for the world to be blinded by her sparkly little girlishness. So when I STILL get the 'he' and 'his' I have to wonder if people are A) assholes (possible) or B)unobservant fuckwits (...also possible).

My thoughts are these: that people at a certain age become bitter and disillusioned with the world. Because it's ALWAYS someone older. And alone. I NEVER get this crap from anyone in my age demographic. But I digress. They become so bitter that they see a mother happily chattering away at her adorable little girl and say to themselves "I'ma fuck with her." And you know what? It WORKS.

Yeah I talk a big talk about not letting other people's shit get in the way of my happiness, but this a bone of contention with me. It bugs me every time for one reason. It gets me thinking "Oh, isn't my baby pretty enough to be a girl?"

A COMPLETELY ridiculous thing to be thinking, I'm fully aware. But yet there I go. THIS IS HOW COMPLEXES ARE BORN. I'm going to end up gluing glitter to her face and buying her booty shorts with words on the butt like "luscious" JUST to get the point across.

But this is a nice segue into a mission of mine. I heard something the other day and it resonated in me. Sorta, struck a bell in my soul for lack of better term (what, I have one you know. Soul...that is...)

"What other people think of me is none of my business."

Try that on. Say that a few times. Out loud. Into a mirror.

It's an unsuspectingly powerful sentence.

What other people think of me is none of my business.

THAT is my new mantra. Now, when some asshat opens their face and stupid falls out, instead of wanting to dig at their eyes with my thumbs I'm going to take a deep breath, and say that to myself.

Hopefully, it will quell a little of the rage that festers in my soul over the stupidest things. But more than that, I LOVE who this quote comes from. And here's why: I want to give Charlotte FIERCE woman role models. Women that wrote their own rules and lived life on THEIR terms. I want her to see how strong and beautiful women can be and not be afraid to grow into her own skin in whichever way she sees best.

So, the speaker of these immortal words? RuPaul Charles.

Can't place the name? Lemmie help.

Still not quite getting there? Maybe this one will help a bit more...

RuPaul is talented. And beautiful. And strong. And successful. And bitch is FIERCE. Yeah, she fits every category that I want Charlotte to grow up to be, and I'm quite happy telling you that I plan on using her as a role model for my daughter.

Don't like it? Too damn bad.

And if RuPaul has taught me anything else aside from self confidence, is that retail can get me what nature didn't. So now, if you don't mind, we're going to run out and buy Charlotte some fierce weave so she stops looking like a boy.


  1. You go girl! I applaud you and your adorable lil girl too! Hair is highly over-rated, just wait till it grows in and you have to fight with her to get all the tangles out... ugh!! ;oP

  2. But.....Charlie has hair....and....she's beautiful and doesn't look remotely like a boy....are people blind??? But props to you on the mantra and your choice of role model :)