This is NOT a democracy!

...and other crazy things I've said to my kid.

I said that one day while chasing after her to finish changing her diaper.

I had JUST taken the diaper off and she crawled away naked. So I yanked her back and the screaming started. I said loudly "This is NOT a democracy! This is a matriarchy!"


We were walking through the grocery store the one day and she kept gagging herself. I mean repeatedly. She'd stick her little fingers down her throat and HY-YAK!...this morning's biscuit. At one point I grab her little hand and harsh whisper "Would you STOP gagging yourself? It's GROSS!"

And a passing woman chuckles and says "Oh I remember that phase..."

Hummus night is bath night in our house. No questions asked. Because every time...EVERY. TIME. I server her hummus she ends up wearing it. Like in her hair. Or lathering her hands with it like soap. So that as I'm bathing her I say things like "How did you get hummus in your ear?"

Playtime in a little intense some days. And the cat has the unfortunately habit of wanting to sleep in the sunny patches. And Charlotte, the sharing soul that she is toddles over to the sleeping cat with her toy and I have to say "No No! We don't hit the kitty with the bus!"

And...related to animals: WE DON'T EAT HAIR/FUZZ!


I'm sure we aren't alone as parents with the crazy shit that comes out of our mouth. But it's definately something that wasn't covered in that damn baby book. And the crap they make you say in public!!

*throws her hands up*

So tell me, fellow parents...or hell, even non-parents that have over heard it...what's the weirdest thing you've heard said to a kid?