Do you hear what I hear?

So I'm sitting at the breakfast table yesterday morning, minding my own business and the child makes...a noise.

They do this a lot. And most of the noises aren't fit for making at a table where you eat.

This particular one was halfway between a cough and vomit.

I called it...a 'comit'.

Which lead me to actually MAKE A LIST of the weird noises/things my child makes/does.

Seriously. I have a LIST.

Full of disgusting noises/hobbies.

Obviously...I must share.

1.) comit - combo cough and vomit.
2.) vurp - combo burp and vomit. Kids are great like that.
3.) asspload - explosions. Via the ass. Worst thing ever first thing in the morning.
4.) neck cheese - grey goo that gets caught in the folds of her neck/chin(s).
5.) the phrase "did you check her crack?" which only applies to girl babies. It's gross. And usually heard directly following an asspload.
6.) hylork - the noise I hear as she shoves her whole fist down her mouth and gags herself.

I can't even describe how most of the time how truly gross this shit is. And the worst bit?

Every kid makes these noise.

Kids are fucking gross.